Preparing for Texas: 11 days left in Scotland!

I'm sitting here enjoying a hot cup of tea and realized, time has really flown by! I know I say this a lot, but it really has! I had my last work days at ShopMobility and Kirktonholme Primary School this week. It was a very emotional time and I was okay until I had to give a farewell speech on Tuesday for those at ShopMobility and that's when I absolutely lost it.

It hit me hard and I realized that this is for real. I really am going back to Texas and won't be around the friends and family I've made while being here in Scotland. I'm still VERY excited about going home, but it's kind of a bittersweet type of thing. I'm sad to leave everyone, but happy at the same time. Who would've thought that those two emotions were possible to have at the exact same time?!

For the past two days, I have been packing my bags and cleaning up my room. The room is bare. The wardrobe is almost empty. All my drawers in my dresser are empty except for two of the five drawers. Pictures are gone. Books are gone. Bags are covering one side of the room. The cabinets in the kitchen are starting to become empty. The living room is missing the pictures and "homey feel" to it now that everything is gone. But, it's all a good thing. It's a new step in my life and I am very excited about it and can't wait to take on this part of the journey. I have had a wonderful experience while being here in Scotland and I feel like I have really found myself. I know what I want out of life. I know where I want to be. I know exactly who I want to be.

It has made me realize that I really want to be near my family. I love them so much and can't bear to be so far away from them. You go through life saying, "I just want to go and do my own thing. Get out of this town and never come back." But, this made me realize that I want to be back in my hometown: Canadian, TX and right there with my family. They are so precious to me.

I had the opportunity to volunteer as a teacher's aide at a primary school for children around the ages 5-6. I was scared to death at first, but knew that this would be a great opportunity to overcome my fear of teaching and helping with Kindergarten aged children. I learned that I want to be around children. I want to possibly teach ages Pre-K to 2nd or 3rd grade. I absolutely adore the little children and thanks to being here in Scotland, stepping out of my comfort zone, and doing what I have been doing with the class I worked with has really opened up a lot of doors for me and I am really looking forward to working in the school system in some way or another... even if I'm just a substitute teacher! :)

I want everyone to see Jesus in my life every single day. I want to be the example I need to be and doing this has made me realize that there are eyes on me at all times and I do make an impact and make a difference on those around me. I never really realized it until I came over here and received cards and compliments from staff members or the friends I've made over here about the difference I had made by being here and how much I will be missed because of my personality and willingness to do anything and everything they asked me to do without complaints and even better than what they had expected. I'm not bragging at all, just stating what I was told and to prove to you that there are eyes always upon you... always watching what you are doing and saying... even what you don't do or say. You do make a difference. So, my goal in life is to be just like Jesus. I want to be a servant.

I wish everyone could have the opportunity that I have had. The opportunity to spread your wings, live in another country, experience a completely different culture, stepping out of your comfort zone and being a servant to those around you knowing that you aren't getting anything in return and being completely okay with that.

I came into this knowing that I don't need to expect a "thank you" and knowing I'm not getting paid for this. Yes, I'm supported by local church congregations, family, and friends, but it's not a "full-time paying job," which is what most people my age already have, or they're still in college getting their Masters or Doctorate. I have loved and hated my time here in Scotland, but I will mostly remember the good times. The hard times grew me and made me stronger. The good times just enhanced my time here and made me fall in love with the place even more.

Being a volunteer has really opened my eyes to a lot of things and I will take so much back home with me than I would had I stayed home and gave up after my time in South Africa. I remember having my doubts while in the Oklahoma City airport. I remember thinking twice about going once I reached security and almost turned away, ran to the car, and gave up. Thankfully, God was there with me the entire time and there was something inside of me saying, "Go!" So, I kept walking. I cried so much and kept thinking, "what if this turns out to be another dead end? What it I hate it?" God turned those "what if's" into something so much more. I could reach out to the people here. I connected with them. I fell in love with the place, the people, the culture, the church family, the people I worked with, and yes, I think I may even miss the weather even though I was incredibly cold and miserable 75-80% of the time, hehe. But, there were moments when God really opened my eyes and I became thankful for everything around me. I mean, REALLY thankful.

I couldn't have done this without God and the help, encouragement, and support from everyone back home in the States. There's absolutely no way! I have needed God and each and every one of you every single minute of the day... through the good and the bad, you all were always there and I appreciate you very much for all that you have done and continue to do for me. I am really looking forward to seeing you all again! Thank you again! Many, many thanks!


Until next time, love to you all...