One year ago, today, I was on a 30+ hour bus ride heading back to Lubbock from Mexico City. I was probably sleeping due to taking sleeping pills in order to be well-rested enough to leave the next day around 4:30 am for Winterfest in Tennessee. I was in a relationship. I was living in Lubbock, Texas in an apartment with Sasha Chalco. I was on a team headed to South Africa. I found it incredibly hard to allow myself to trust in others, to open up, to become vulnerable, and to love.
I never would’ve thought I’d be where I am today… Not on a bus. Not going to Tennessee. Not sleeping because of sleeping pills. Not in a relationship. Not living in Lubbock or with Sasha. Not on the South Africa team (but did live there for about three months).
But, TODAY, I am better. I am stronger. I am wiser. I do live in East Kilbride, Scotland in a flat with Melanie Huggins, my first AIM roommate. I am on the Scotland team, instead. I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. I am fully dependent on God. I know that God has a plan for everything. I absolutely adore and love my family (living overseas has strengthened that; I miss them terribly!). I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing, exactly where I was meant to be, and looking forward to all the great things in the next four and a half months I have left here in Scotland. I love without fear of getting hurt. I open up and become vulnerable to people so they will open up and become vulnerable in return. I trust more each day. I have a new outlook on life and my purpose. Seems to me, that I’ve grown in ways I never thought possible. God has brought some amazing people into my life that have shown me that it’s okay to love, to trust, to open up and be vulnerable. I’ve learned a lot and I am so thankful for everything.
Over the past year, I’ve really struggled and have been through so many things I never thought I’d ever have to go through. I’ve been hurt in ways I never wanted to hurt again. I opened myself up and made myself vulnerable to someone I loved, only to be shut down in the end. I had an experience (let’s say, several experiences) in South Africa that has forever changed my life. My mind has had millions of thoughts go through it that led to stressful and worrisome days and nights. I’ve been pulled in hundreds of different ways on what to do, say, think, or feel.
BUT
The past is the past. The future isn’t here. The present is here. I’m thankful for the bad things that happened over the past year. I’m thankful for all the good things that have happened. I really am blessed by God. How many times do I overlook the GOOD things that happen? And, why is it that it’s easier to remember the bad things over the good? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I wish it was that way, but I guess as human beings, we remember the bad better than the good. When I think of the song, “Count your blessings,” I wonder to myself… how many times in a day do I really sit down and count my blessings? Hmm… not very many, if any at all! Shame on me.
Blessings are all around me. I have a roof over my head, a bed, a radiator that works, blankets, air to breathe, a locked door, another day to be alive, legs to walk, hands to write and type and hold hands with other people, eyes to see, ears to hear, a nose to smell, a mouth, teeth, and tongue to eat with, I’m healthy, clothing, shoes, financially stable, a supportive family, wonderful friends, the trees, the flowers that are planted along the path that I’m able to smell when spring rolls around, snow to look at out my windows, sunshine, the stars, I’m safe… I could keep going on with all the blessings and good things in my life! So, the good outweighs the bad all the time. Because, God is good ALL THE TIME.
Until next time, love to you all…
